The Greatest Good You’re Ever Going to Get

By: American Decency Staff

In Pixar's superhero-family movie, the Incredibles, one of the supporting characters (I believe his name is Frozone) is ditching a date with his wife so that he can go save the world. Their interaction goes something like this:

Frozone -"The public is in danger! We're talking about the greater good!"

Frozone's wife – "Greater good? I am your wife! I am the greatest good you're ever going to get!"

That is a sentiment sadly not shared by many in my generation who may be considering marriage.

As religious and cultural conservatives are fighting the gay lobby's effort to "redefine marriage," we may be distracted from a totally different form of sabotage on the sacred institution.

A recent piece at Time.com gives it away.

"For a generation reared on technology, overwhelmed by choice, feedback and constant [fear of missing out], isn’t testing a marriage, like we test a username, simply … well, logical?

The author, Jessica Bennett, sites this study conducted by USA Network:

I think most of us examining these "marriage models" can say in unison, "that ain't marriage."

Not only is marriage necessarily between a man and a woman, but it is, by definition, a lifelong commitment. "What therefore God has joined together let not man separate. (Mark 10:9)"

Are there exceptions – cases of abuse or adultery where separation is allowed? I believe there are, but God's intention is that the marital bond between a husband and wife would last until death.

"Evangelicals and Catholics Together" published an extensive manifesto on marriage which expounds on the uncompromisable permanence of marriage.

"Because God’s grace is at work in marriage, Jesus teaches us that our marital unions are capable of lifelong fidelity, signified by the prophet’s use of marriage as an image of God’s enduring covenant with Israel: “I have loved you with an everlasting love” (Jer. 31:3). In the union created by marriage, the Lord affirms, we participate in the power of God’s everlasting love."

Debra Fileta, writing for Relevant, also commented on the illusion of gaining control with this concept of rejiggering marriage and leaving out the part about commitment.

"But I believe this is a lie that is robbing so many men and women of the joy, trust, companionship and oneness that comes from a relationship done right. Healthy relationships can and do exist. But unlike the passive approach we often take to relationships, we don’t “fall” into those kind of relationships by chance. We have to choose them. We have to create them. We have to commit to them. And true commitment is never optional."

"Joy, trust, companionship, and oneness " – could a "presidential" or "beta" marriage offer such intimacy? In fact, in terms of physical intimacy, the New York Times just published an editorial about how most married couples often pick up the sexual pace after they've been married for over 50 years.

We can see that the modern view of marriage has taken some real hits – many won't be married long enough to experience, "the greatest good [they're] ever going to get," but marriage itself is not the only victim of its own erosion.

The piece released by Evangelicals and Catholics Together points this out:

"The effects of the decline of marriage on children are dramatic, unequal, and deeply disturbing. Among the well-educated and economically well-off, the traditional family remains the norm. This is no longer true for children born to less educated and less affluent women. By age fourteen, nearly half of these children no longer live with both parents, posing dire consequences for their futures. Young men raised in broken families are more likely to go to prison. Young women in these circumstances are more likely to become pregnant as unwed teenagers. The dramatic decline of marriage is a major factor in the misery of many in our society."

Our culture's loose interpretation of "family" isn't tragic just because it's a break with tradition; it's tragic because it's breaking our kids.

There's no question that loving, involved, single parents can raise great kids who become responsible adults, but the truth is that this evolving new normal is convenient for only one group of people, and it's not the kids.

In a great piece at the American Enterprise Institute (deftly parsed byAlbert Mohler), Nicholas Eberstadt draws this troubling conclusion,

"Our world-wide flight from family constitutes a significant international victory for self-actualization over self-sacrifice,(emphasis mine)and might even be said to mark a new chapter in humanity’s conscious pursuit of happiness. But these voluntary changes also have unintended consequences. The deleterious impact on the hardly inconsequential numbers of children disadvantaged by the flight from the family is already plain enough. So too the damaging role of divorce and out-of-wedlock childbearing in exacerbating income disparities and wealth gaps—for society as a whole, but especially for children. Yes, children are resilient and all that. But the flight from family most assuredly comes at the expense of the vulnerable young."

Marriage is collapsing and everyone involved is hurt by it. We can see it in our culture, in our entertainment, and in the lives of our families and friends and neighbors. Postmodern thought would lead us to believe that we've moved beyond the family structure provided by nature and nature's God. You can pick your family, and if they don't work out, ditch them for someone who makes you happy; that's what's really important – "self-actualization over self-sacrifice."

I know that I've pulled from a lot of articles written by people smarter than I, but let's go back once more to Debra Fileta's Relevant piece,

"At the end of the day, marriage is not about me, it’s about we. It’s about learning to choose another person over ourselves—because by choosing them, we are choosing to become greater in humility, strength, forgiveness and love. Marriage isn’t about becoming happier. It’s about becoming better. But ironically, in becoming better, we often find that we’ve also become happier."

More ultimately, and I'm sure that Debra would agree, marriage is about bringing glory to God – we sacrifice because He sacrificed. We forgive mistakes because our many, many mistakes have been forgiven. We love our spouses even when they seem unlovable, because we were loved when we were unlovable. It's not a happily-ever-after, pumpkin carriage, seven dwarfs Disney movie. It's impossibly hard, because what Christ did for us was hard.

"This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church." (Eph 5:32)

Family is the greatest good we're ever going to get, at least until we get to see the relationship of which family is only a portrait.

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American Decency wants to encourage you in your marriage and family life, and that's why we are hosting "Bringing Christ Home: Family and the Supremacy of Christ," a weekend conference at the beautiful Shack in White Cloud, MI. Look for more details here.

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