Virginia Slims is a cigarette that was introduced in 1968 and marketed to young professional women; "You've come a long way, baby," was their slogan of choice. Once again women have “come a long way,” only this time in the area of viewing pornography instead of smoking.
One of the reasons these women got caught up in the snare of smoking is because “good people knew that good girls don’t smoke.” Since “everyone” knew it, there was no training on it. Perhaps there was the once in a while word of judgmental disgust, but no real speaking to its danger, from love and concern for the smoker or the child.
The same is largely true for children and teens today in regards to pornography. “Everyone” knows it’s wrong; why train your child to guard against it? Here’s why; what was once seen primarily as a man’s vice has now made its way in popularity among women as well. Covenant Eyes reportsthat 65% of Millennial women say they view porn at least a few times a year. That’s twice the number of Gen X women who watch it.
As these women grow up seeing the female body objectified more and more, it’s only natural that they would eventually see men in the same light. As various deviancies are made better known and seen as acceptable, women get in on the viewing act as well. As pornography becomes more “normalized” in our culture—as shown by magazine covers, movies, music, books, and other media—what’s the big deal, right? As pop stars, singers, and idols proclaim the popularity and sensual pleasures of what was once considered—and is—deviant behavior, why not watch it and try it?
The answer is simple. One day we will all stand before a righteous and holy God who will judge us by the standard of His word. If that’s not reason enough, then look at the statistics and realize that it’s very harmful physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Even if one rejects the morality or immorality of an action, one must still deal with the natural consequences of that action. Definitions, in this regard, no longer matter. Call it going against nature or nature’s God, call it sin or going against one’s conscience, there is still a price to pay. That price is much too high.
Parents, protect your children—both sons and daughters! Warn them of the dangers of pornography, that it will affect their body, mind, emotions, and soul. Briefly stated, it inevitably leads you to act out in ways which are dangerous for your body, by disease or physical harm. It changes the way you process information and the way you think about things, including yourself and others. It causes a type of emotional callusing, desensitizing you to many things, including future, healthy relationships. Pornography blurs the lines between love and lust, healthy and unhealthy, and safe and harmful. As we continue to walk against our Creator, it sears our conscience and dulls our hearing to His call and the conviction with which He blesses our soul.
It’s vital that our children learn the importance of purity and holiness in their young lives. They must see these things lived out in our own lives as well. It’s difficult to train our children in doing right when our culture runs so counter to that very thing. All around them, our children are inundated with soft and hard pornography, with ads, lyrics, television, and even checkout counters that shamelessly put such pictures at a child’s eye level. It’s difficult; that’s why it’s called training. A consistent standard and constant diligence are a parent’s great weapons. With what is at stake, how can any parent neglect praying to God for the help and guidance that they so desperately need?
Make no mistake about it, this is war! If we do not fight to win our children’s hearts then we will lose them to a culture, a society, and a devil that desires to devour them. They will either be captivated by your love and the wholeness that God desires for their lives or they will be taken captive by the world, its lustful desires, and the brokenness that it offers.
It’s a difficult task indeed, for danger and harm wear the masque of glitter and gold. That which is good and leads to wholeness is falsely shown to be old-fashioned and wrong. Those who sell this “fool’s gold” neglect to warn that eventually the bill must be paid.
What can we do to teach this truth to our children?
We must first and foremost point them to a holy and loving God, who desires for them an unobstructed relationship with Him. They need to know that His guidelines of purity and holiness (wholeness) are guardrails protecting from ruin rather than fences prohibiting fun. He has created and loves them; their response to Him should be love for Him as well.
Next, we must talk to our children about pornography at age-appropriate levels. This is vital; it’s part of a lifelong training that will help to protect our children into their adult years. When, according to Covenant Eyes, 9 out of 10 boys and 6 out of 10 girls will view pornography before they reach the age of 18, we must not be negligent. It’s no longer a matter of “if” our children will see a pornographic image, it’s “when” they see it.
Let them know that they have done nothing wrong when they accidentally come across it; tell them we mustn’t linger over it with our eyes or our minds. Like the old adage, “You can’t stop the birds from flying over your head but you can stop them from building a nest in your hair.”
One of the best plans I have seen for communicating with your child about pornography comes from Covenant Eyes:
C: Close your eyes
As soon as you see something that looks like porn, close your eyes, shut the laptop or turn off the computer, and walk away.
A:Alert a trusted adult.
Tell mom or dad or a trusted adult about what you saw.
N: Name it when you see it.
Label what you saw: “That’s pornography.” This activates our thinking brain: calling it what it is.
D:Distract your thoughts with something else.
Distract yourself with other thoughts: sing, read, play, or do something to get your mind off of it. Parents can help greatly in this regard.
O: Order your “thinking brain” to take charge.
Remind yourself (or have parents remind you) why pornography is harmful. Affirm to yourself or have parents affirm you made a great choice to turn away from it.
We must be ever vigilant, especially where our children are concerned. Don’t trust them to school, society, media, or friends. Only trust them to godly training and Biblical authority.
For more information on women and pornography and resources for those addicted to it, click here.
For up-to-date statistics on pornography, click here.
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photo credit: On a bed of new soil via photopin (license)
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