What is modesty? Is there such a thing?

By: American Decency Staff

An issue of the heart – What is modesty? Is there such a thing? I heard such great words regarding Blind Side that I couldn’t wait to see it.  I saw it on DVD this past weekend. Though it is a wonderful, heart-warming story about a wonderful family, I shared my convictions regarding the “hyper-sexualityâ€Â exhibited by Ms. Bullock. I expected to have many criticize my stance for modesty.  I was shocked at the positive support for my position.  The email expressions of agreement continue to come in.  I’ll share some more of those comments below. The responses that I have received indicate a hunger to have a better understanding as to “what is modesty.â€ÂÂ Â  One resource that we make available is Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ little booklet:  “The Look does God really care what I wear?â€Â   It’s available in CD form as well. https://secure4.afo.net/ada/main.php?f=store/display Quoting: A heart of modesty affects every aspect of a woman’s life – not just the way she looks, but her attitudes and the way she talks and acts, as well.  Here are some “heart-checkâ€Â questions to help you think through and evaluate modesty in different areas of your life. Do I have a humble view of myself and a high view of God? Do I avoid advertising or promoting myself? Am I free from extremes of behavior and personality?  (This would include excessive spending habits.) Am I grieved at the thought of offending God or causing someone else to sin? Am I appropriately reserved in speech, or do I talk too much? Am I appropriately reserved in dress? Do I wear “respectableâ€Â clothing?  (I Timothy 2:9; “respectableâ€Â means orderly; decent; not causing distraction or temptation) [Taken from “The Look does God really care what I wear?â€Â by Nancy Leigh DeMoss) This is a serious issue in a day when godliness is so aggressively attacked.   I have a four-year old granddaughter living with us right now.   Her mother and we as grandparents are going to need God’s grace to lovingly lead her to see and commit to keeping herself for her Heavenly Father and the man she may one day marry.   Which of us wants our young ones to be “eye-candyâ€Â and played with –  damaged forever?  Not me.   Our loved ones are under spiritual/ moral attack and most seem oblivious. When I see a movie like Blind Side (despite so much that is positive about it) I  see too much sexual-messaging. I have had a heavy dose of godlessness and pornography in my early twenties.  By His grace, God led me to Himself and to the  “pursuit of holiness without which no man shall see the Lord.â€Â I want the covering of righteousness for our little children.  I I urge you to get a copy of Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ book and/or CD entitled: “The Look does God really care what I wear?â€Â https://secure4.afo.net/ada/main.php?f=store/display ===================================================================== The last couple of days we’ve been discussing the popular and powerful movie Blind Side. If you haven’t been following this discussion you may want to get up to speed.  See: Blind Side:  A Word Regarding it https://americandecency.org/archives/blind-side-a-word-regarding-it/#more-3568 Comments regarding modesty, immodesty (cleavage bearing) and Blind Side https://americandecency.org/archives/comments-regarding-modesty-immodesty-cleavage-bearing-and-blind-side/#more-3577 To be hypocritical of the world and not hold Christians up to the same criticism is to show our ‘blind side’ https://americandecency.org/archives/comments-regarding-modesty-immodesty-cleavage-bearing-and-blind-side/#more-3577 My wife pointed out the following quote this morning: “Humanity's most basic sin is the desire to throw off the Lord's external authority and become a law unto ourselves.  Even we who have been transformed by His grace must likewise war against this desire, which often manifests itself in an attempt to get around His commandments or excuse behaviors and attitudes that are inexcusable.  Let us endeavor daily, with the Spirit's help, to mortify the lawlessness that is trying to overtake us.â€Â Coram Deo, Living before the face of God, Ligonier, Tabletalk, April 8, 2010 We must likewise war against this desire (a desire to throw off the Lord's external authority, which often manifests itself in an attempt to get around His commandments or excuse behaviors and attitudes that are inexcusable). I’m truly grateful for the many of you who have written and who are still writing.   Here follows another score of thoughtful comments: Email #1:  Raising up this movie to be a representation of Christianity? Actually I do not agree with your relative.  Are we so deprived of good clean entertainment that we would raise up this movie to be a representation of Christianity?  The vulgarity was not Christ-like and neither was the immodest dress.  I think your criticism of this movie is more than warranted. With all the trash that is seen in movies today, it is no wonder that people don’t see the sin when it is placed right in front of their eyes.  There is a numbness and confusion to what to think is good or evil. K.V. Email #2:  Right on

God bless you for all you do!!  YOU’RE  right on with everything!!

S.F. Email #3:   Keep on I for one thank you for the job you are doing. If you did not do what you were doing, we would be in even a worse state! Keep on brother!!! Someone has to monitor in order to inform us. God Bless you and your staff for all your efforts to inform us. C.Y. Email #4:  Not a good example of a Christian woman I get your emails all the time.  I was glad to hear that others were concerned about the Sandra Bullock portrayal.  I thought the dress, the language, the attitude and the behavior were not a good representation of a Christian woman. The world is watching that movie, and I believe they are not getting a good example of what a Christian woman should look like. Could the part just have been embellished to attract viewers?  If it was, I would be upset if I was the real mom.  Was glad to see that there are others that agree with me.  K.R. Email #5:  as a school teacher I was exposed to immodesty I am delighted to read all the responses listed here that support my LONG held position of immodest dress in our culture. As a school teacher, I was exposed to a daily onslaught of immodest dress and language by the students. I also fight this battle with my granddaughter and her mother, my daughter, who is happy to let her daughter appear cool and in because, as she puts it, she doesn’t want her daughter to be a geek like she was. Maybe I was too strict, but most parents today are waaaaaaaaaaay to liberal. Thanks for all you do, J.B. Email #6:  Was the real mom accurately portrayed? I only ask this, not knowing the woman that was being portrayed, was she fairly and correctly represented or was Sandra's outfits exaggerated to titillate only? M.M. Email #7:   Warner Brothers – usually not up to much good Hi Bill, My thoughts exactly.  When I saw that Warner Brothers was the producer I braced myself.  Apparently this movie company is very supportive of the current education czar and what he stands for.  You may want to look into that claim.   From what I have heard W.B. is not up to much good.  Although Blind Side was a smart move for them.   The hyped up sensory scenes were not a surprise.  What do you do ?   May be we should be working on the FCC to uphold higher standards.   Blind Side was the first movie I have watched this year.  I got tired of feeling like I was seeing things that I shouldn't be seeing.  Since when is intimacy between a husband and wife something that we all need to sit and watch together for entertainment ? Let me know what small thing I can do to help.  I am as I have been, overwhelmed to the point of paralysis. God Bless, J.D. Email #8:  comment followed by our response You haven't sold me on anything with this complaint or the follow ups.  I haven't seen the movie, but I will once our library gets the DVD.  God made us NAKED.  It is the sinful nature of man, AND NOTHING ELSE, that makes him "ashamed" of his/her beautiful body….and it is  that SAME sinfulness that causes him to see shame in others whom he perceives should feel shame over their bodies.  Now, having said that, I agree that there is a difference between provocative dressing and beautiful dressing.  Gross exposure is provocative.  Sleeveless, strapless, spaghetti-strapped, plunging, etc. is not necessarily provocative, even though it may reveal a significant part of the body.  Your comments are DANGEROUS because they appear to equate the salvation of the soul or the honesty of the faith with OUTWARD APPEARANCES, which Jesus said is not the way God sees.  While I appreciate your candid opinions, I am afraid that negative reactions on blatantly Christian-themed movies from main-stream Hollywood will chill the efforts of the movie makers.  We can't afford to do that! ADA RESPONSE: I'm not sure what your point is when you say God made us naked. While that is true, it is also true that He was the One who provided Adam and Eve with their first suit of non-vegetative clothes. It is notable that God didn't tell them not to worry about their shame, but that He provided the means to cover it. The intimacy that nakedness demands is designed for marriage, because it leads to desire which in turn leads to sex. It is no man or woman's business to invoke lust in any person besides their spouse. It is unfortunate that you interpret the meaning of our email alert to mean that we equate salvation with outward appearances. That is simply not true. What we do believe is that Christians should be responsible in the ways that they dress, because it is an often overlooked way to make your brother or sister stumble into lust. Thank you for your comments. Email #9: Immodesty and casual dress in the church Bill – You are right – I watched the movie – I liked it a lot, but did notice the dress.  Unfortunately, we do have that problem with our younger women (mostly teens or young twenties)  and they take offense when spoken to.   Dress in church is a view of today's Christianity I think.   We no longer see people dressing for church – young people come in dungarees, hair uncombed, girls with their bellies sticking out.   However, it's the parents at fault – allowing them – or not teaching them how to dress   On the other hand, I do not judge – nor did I think you did – the Christianity of the people.  It does how however, their comfort with this world and it's ideas.  It's not a big deal to go to church anymore.   What a shame.   Keep speaking out. L.T. Email #10:  A desensitized people are we Your relative wrote: "There isn't a hairs difference in the way Sandra Bullock portrays Mrs. Tuohy and what I see women in our churches." And, as you acknowledged, he's right. He (or she) also commented, "I would like to ask these 'Christian' women 'If Jesus were to walk into our church and see what you are wearing, would he be pleased?'  Would YOU be proud of the way you are dressed — or ashamed?" Sadly, most of them are so desensitized that they would think that Jesus would be pleased or the He would not have a problem with the way they're dressed. Your response, "You state it yourself that it has bothered you for a long time that the church doesn't address the concern regarding immodesty and that many within the church dress inappropriately.  By God's grace, I'm not going to be as the church – silent.   I believe that what I said needed to be said and heard – giving the message that dressing so provocatively is not pleasing to God, damages the Christian testimony and is hurtful in a variety of ways to His people." is what I expected. And I thank God for it. Someone has to stand up for God's values and principles, for God's call to holiness. We already have a whole generation of girls and young ladies (and perhaps some not so young) that have NO idea that there should be a difference in dress between men and women (boys and girls) or that girls and ladies should dress modestly (even if they have to learn to sew and make their own clothes). If we look like the world, talk like the world, and act like the world what do we have to offer the world. A verbal testimony to the life-changing grace of our Savior will ring hollow. Thanks for your stand.  God bless and keep you. D.K. ================= Email #11:  criticism of the movie is Phariseeism Dear Bill, I realize that what you are about to read is strongly worded.  Please do not take it as an indictment of you, but of the blame-shifting that I believe is prevalent in the church regarding pornography and indecency. I applaud the efforts you make to uphold decency in America.  We are distraught by the images that accost our children at eye level in the supermarket check out line.  I believe that you are doing us a service by standing up for modesty. I am disheartened however by the ‘hypersexuality’ you describe with regards to Sandra Bullock.  Do you think that perhaps you are not thinking on things that are lovely and decent, pure and holy?   There is a line that you are crossing into indecency when you take a clean and pure message and sully it with a tainted and myopic view of sexuality.  Sandra Bullock was portrayed as a classy, modern woman to whom most Christian men would be proud to be married.  If you are leering at her, then whose problem would that be?  God created man and woman in His image.  I see no problem for her to wear pencil skirts and fashionable tasteful clothing that is ten times more conservative than what most of Hollywood has seen in 20 years.  She is not wearing cut off shorts or plunging necklines.  Should she be wearing a veil?  For men that have a problem with women in this way, is it the woman’s fault?  Should they not take up their yoke and turn their eyes on Jesus? I think that your criticism of the movie is Phariseeism, and the cannibalistic nature that the church purports simply furthers the world’s opinion that Christianity doesn’t work.  Can we not ‘take one for the team’ once in a while at least to dispel this sort of cynicism?  I realize that your banner is decency, but by bashing this decent movie, you lost an opportunity to support something decent that finally came out of Hollywood. Humbly and Respectful J. Email #12:  Let us never confuse tolerance with acceptance. The Lord cannot abide the least amount of sin, so are we really being hypercritical or just trying our best to truly live up to His standards? I for one applaud your willingness, Bill, to point out even the slightest indiscretions of Gods laws. As soon as we allow ourselves to lean even the least little bit into the "grey area" Satan will take hold. Let us never confuse tolerance with acceptance. There is great need for what you do in pointing out the subtleties of sin which are all around us, because so many of us, especially our children, are becoming increasingly numb to the prevalence of immorality and its eternal consequences. You may be aware of the story of the father who offered his children some fresh baked brownies. (Editor’s note: Yes. We are familiar with this illustration.  Very effective.) But, before giving them the delicious looking treats he admitted to them that he had added a very small amount of dog poop to the batter. Such a small amount he was sure they wouldn't even notice it. When the children all turned down the opportunity to partake, he explained to them that that is the way Satan works with movies and music and so many other temptations in the world. The so called bad stuff slipped into the movie or song  seems so insignificant as to not even warrent our attention. And so it begins that Satan leads us ever so slowly down to Hell. K.S. Email #13:   Oh that we would stop and seek to honor God How I agree with you.  That was the only part of the movie that disappointed me, yet as you have stated, no one, no Christians I know, and no Christian reviewers I have read have addressed the blatant focus throughout the film of the focus on the sexualized character, played by Sandra Bullock.  I have two young adult daughters who didn't even think much of it, till I mentioned it.  I guess, as a whole, we are quite desensitized.  Oh that we would stop and seek to honor God in all that we do! L. Email #14:  It takes guts to be modest in all ways I just watched the trailer for Blindside.  It sounds like a great story, yet I see exactly what you mean about Sandra Bullock's appearance. To me, she represents a Christian woman who WANTS to follow God, who is committed to doing the best she can, yet at the same time she represents what so many frustrated women cannot allow themselves to let go of: physically worshipping the image of the whore of Babylon. This is the same problem many men also struggle with. It's not the only vice people struggle with, there are worse ones.  C.S. Lewis points out that unforgiving, self-righteousness is a worse sin and, although it took me a while to understand, I agree now. All vice just simply needs to be done away with.  Thank heavens Christ provides that opportunity to grow towards the full scope of purity of heart. It takes guts to be modest in all ways and many, many people appreciate the work you do day in and day out stirring our nation up to greater devotion.  Culture corrupts the plain, gentleness women ought to represent, that men ought to protect. I must say there is no sweeter reward than growing to be Christ's friend side by side through ALL affliction, including those of the fashion industry's and advertiser's immodesty campaigns. Thanks for the work you do, M. Email #15:  Criticism of the worldly way is spot on Truthfully, I have not seen the movie, only the ads.  However, the criticism of the worldly way Christian women dress is spot on.  I believe that the standard has been lowered in the church and we have tolerated that sexualizing of our young people and children for far too long. Actually, I have said so to several inappropriately dressed women at church (and at work!) but it appears that I am weird and a stand-alone critic.  Pulpits don't teach issues like this because we want to be seeker-friendly, rather than standard-bearing Christians!  The men are the ones to speak up as the appeal is to them but also to other women as "competition."  Bless you.  N.L. Email #16: The sin comes when WE choose to think sinful thoughts I have watched "The Blind Side" twice now, once in the theaters and once at home on DVD. I'm ashamed to say that I didn't even notice the way that Sandra Bullock was dressed. We can discuss all day long how women in churches dress compared to the world. The problem, and I have 2 daughters 19 and 10, is what is available to purchase and wear. There are very few choices for women today that are modest and not revealing of their body. I'm not suggesting that women wear turtle necks and dresses down to their ankles but I think there does need to be more choices with more modesty available for women. Also, men need to take responsibility for their actions and learn to look away. I was out with my wife at a local restaurant and had to turn away placing my order because the waitress was bent over with her shirt open directly in my line of sight. It made me very uncomfortable with my wife there, even if she wasn't there. I enjoy women that like to look  nice and wear clothing that enhances their beauty. There is nothing wrong there. The sin comes when WE choose to think sinful thoughts. Regards, S.W. Email: #17:  We all are men of flesh Mr. Johnson, I find your words quite distressing. You are telling me you don't see anything when you go to Wal-mart or any other store for that matter. You sir are either blind or so pre-occupied with whatever as not to see around you to the plain fact of how people dress these days. I do understand what you are saying and agree but do you want the producers to sugar coat what they present as to not truly show life as it may be in reality.  You sir are a man of flesh and blood and have failures just as any man can. We all are men of flesh but men seeking Gods' will and way for each of our lives. My conclusion is you are over reacting and not go on and on about the issue.  God bless you. K.H. My response: I am a man of flesh and blood. I’m also a sinner in need of His standard and the daily reminder of His Word.   I know myself too well and have lived long enough to see that conforming to that which is around us doesn’t make things right.   Even we who have been transformed by His grace must likewise war against this desire, which often manifests itself in an attempt to get around His commandments or excuse behaviors and attitudes that are inexcusable.  Let us endeavor daily, with the Spirit's help, to mortify the lawlessness that is trying to overtake us.â€Â ============================================= Your support is important to our ability to make a difference: donate online at: https://americandecency.org/folder.php?f=donate American Decency Association Bill Johnson, President P.O. Box 202 Fremont, MI 49412 ph: 231-924-4050 www.americandecency.org http://www.twitter.com/billwjohnson

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