More and more voices speak out. Pxxx addicts – and destroys

By: American Decency Staff

A special, deep appreciation to those of you who have shared. What about you? Will you help others to see what pornography has done or is doing? Pornography does destroy! More of you have helped shed the light, to speak into the silence that surrounds the horror of pornography. Please take a moment to respond to our poll. www.americandecency.org Please see the link below as well for help for victims of pornography Email #1: I re-married a man 5 1/2 years ago. He was a sex addict. It was a remarriage for me but his first. He portrayed the Christian guy, all the right words, listening to Christian radio, music and always had his Bible. But he had a secret life. I look back and can see the questionable movies he rented while we were dating and a little too slow to object to the scenes but covered it well. We were married, and in two months I caught him masturbating in our bed. I couldn't figure out why we were not intimate as newlyweds. I had teenage children but he was not afraid of getting walked in on. Then he became more distant and angry. I found porn on the computer and accused my son. I found porn leaflets in my daughters room. I only found  a year ago that he left them in my 13 yrs old sons room and thus exposed him, later I found out he had been masturbating in each of the kids rooms. I would have kicked him out earlier. I only found out 2 years in the marriage when he announced he had cheated on me, but his story seemed fishy especially when he had to cash a whole paycheck to have s*x yes it was a prostitute. That was when a pastor and another Christian couple advised me to forgive him as if I had done something wrong and I felt my pain so belittled. I saw pastor after pastor and counselor after counselor drop us. It was too ugly. The lies persisted. Finally I kicked him out of the house until he got accountability. He was in and out of Pure Freedom Ministries because that counselor was tough and could see through his lies. But he couldn't stay free. I have seen pastors tell  me they address porn but the bared breasts, and tight shirts on these women and girls go unnoticed it seemed. One is the daughter of one of our elders at church and it goes unnoticed. There are billboards that now we go out of our way to avoid. My son is succeeding, Godly counsel has worked. My husband could not set up boundaries, couldn't understand why joining a pool was not appropriate. He raped during the marriage. Eyes closed as I was the vessel to his fantasy. Wouldn't stop when I yelled he was hurting me and begged him to stop. He ran off to another state and I have a protection order and am filing a divorce. I thank God I could end it. Email #2: Mr. Johnson, I have been impacted by pornography and would like for you to use my experiences to help others. Part of my story is below.  I realize it is a bit lengthy.  Feel free to shorten and edit it as necessary. God bless you and your ministry. Sincerely, …. [name withheld by ADA] I learned what oral sex was as a seven-year-old girl when I was in my dad's truck and found a magazine behind the seat.  It left a shocking impression on me.  That was thirty years ago and the image is still branded in my mind.  I took the magazine to my mother, who screamed at my dad.  I remember talking to my friends about what I had seen, trying to process it.  In doing so, I didn't realize that I was affecting the innocence of other children.  No child should ever have to go through that.  My experience changed the view I had of my father.  It's as if he led a double-life.  He brought home good, clean movies for us to watch as a family, but I remember my parents arguing when my dad brought home R-rated movies containing sex and nudity for himself and the men who worked for him to watch.  Although R-rated movies may not be considered "pornography" by our society, some of these movies contain more scenes of nudity than any Playboy magazine.  I believe that, as Christians, we should target more than just "porn" in our homes.  There are many forms of indecency that are being overlooked and these serve as "bait" which leads to porn. After discovering my dad's magazine as a seven-year-old, and as I continued to grow, I was occasionally exposed to lingerie catalogs which my dad left lying around.  I couldn't figure out why he wanted to look at those things.  My mother was beautiful.  Nevertheless, I know that my dad criticized her.  When my mom would put on a dress for church, I thought she looked like a princess, but my dad would say things like, "You look fat in that dress."  Statements like that contributed to my negative view of men, which only grew over time.  As a developing young lady, my dad's "Frederick's of Hollywood" and "Victoria's Secret" catalogs were difficult to ignore.  I studied them closely on several occasions.  Seeing the beautiful women with perfect bodies led to an unhealthy self-image.  It was worsened by the fact that I was flat-chested and teased by my own family about it.  I remember names they called me and how they laughed at me.  My sisters were all well-developed and my parents drew comparisons.  I hated myself and my body and had an underlying resentment toward my sisters.  I began starving myself in high school.  My daily food intake consisted of a few bites of vegetables for dinner.  This went on for several months until the day I tried to call my grandma, whom I called all the time, and couldn't remember her phone number.  I had to look up the number in the phone book.  This scared me and I knew it happened because I wasn't eating so I started eating again.  However, I continued hating my body. Although I went to church my whole life, I didn't come to know Jesus Christ until I was almost 19 years old.  When I was 15, I began dating a boy who eventually became my husband.  He was 18 when we met.  After graduating from high school, he joined the Marines.  It soon became apparent that he was obsessed with sex.  He enjoyed renting movies with sexual content.  I hated it, but most of the time I pretended to be asleep on the couch so I wouldn't have to watch.  There were many more red flags.  One in particular was that he was carrying an STD which resulted in health problems for me.  I found out on my 18th birthday that I had to have laser surgery to correct precancerous cervical cells.  I ignored the warning signs and married him less than a month later.  Little did I know that my decision would result in over 10 years of an unhappy marriage. Here I was a new bride and ready to settle in to a life of love.  However, we did not live happily ever after.  To the contrary, I began reaping the consequences of my bad choices.  I had discovered when we were dating that our interests were not compatible so it should have come as no surprise that every time we visited the video store, he got R-rated movies, all with sexual content and nudity.  Just like when we were dating, it made me extremely uncomfortable.  I thought there was something wrong with me because I felt embarrassed.  I thought I was supposed to be able to overlook stuff like that, but I just couldn't.  It made me burn with shame.  I now realize that the Lord does not approve of material like that and the Holy Spirit is there to convict us and make us feel embarrassed.  After seeking counsel from my pastor, he explained that by watching such movies, my husband was disrespecting my body.  I began to see that my husband was the one with the problem, not me. Throughout my life, my mom consistently emphasized the importance of education to me and my three sisters.  It must have worked because we all made it through college.  I only wish mom would have placed equal emphasis on the importance of marrying a Godly man.  After only four months of marriage, my husband was deployed overseas where he cheated on me with prostitutes and was involved in pornography.  I was completely preoccupied with finding out what was so special about the girls he had been involved with.  I wanted to know what they had that I was obviously lacking.  Again, I thought there was something wrong with me when he was the one with the problem.  I don't know why I didn't divorce him then.  I guess because I felt so weak.  I stayed in the relationship, hoping he would change. After I gave my life to Jesus Christ, I knew there were certain things that I would no longer tolerate.  When my husband got out of the military I put my foot down and insisted on only decent movies in our home.  He complied to my face, but it didn't take me long to figure out that he rented dirty movies behind my back and watched them while I was at work.  There were also pornographic books and magazines which he kept hidden.  I felt so betrayed and had zero trust in him.  He was repulsive to me and I couldn't stand to be intimate with him.  The night my son was conceived, I cried because I was so grossed out.  After my son was born, I buried myself in motherhood and was very active in church.  I also had people over to eat on a regular basis.  Needless to say, I was trying to fill voids because of the issues in my marriage.  My husband's problems continued.  He came home one night reeking of booze.  I found out that he had been at a strip club all evening.  I felt so trapped.  I was a stay-at-home mom and was working on finishing my college degree.  We had no money and I had nowhere to go. My husband and I divorced after almost 11 years of marriage.  God has been so incredibly gracious to me since that time.  Jesus Christ is a restorer.  He is also a healer and I know He wants to set me free from the silent chains which have continued to bind me since my divorce.  I know it may take some time, but I know that God is working on healing my heart. In closing, I know that American Decency Association is helping more people than you will ever know and I thank you for taking time to address these issues. ======================== Pornography victimless? Is there one of you reading this who is willing to share your story that I can use to break the silence during this 2009 Pornography Awareness Week? Help give the warning! It WILL be kept anonymous. I have no doubt there are women (particularly) but not just women, whose mate is breaking ones heart because of playing with the fire of pornography – lusting, leering, hooked. I await your response. Pornography DOES victimize. Link for victims of pornography from Morality in Media: http://moralityinmedia.org/index.htm?otherResources.htm ========================== To support this ministry: https://secure4.afo.net/ada/main.php?f=donate/display9 ========================== For helpful resources: https://secure4.afo.net/ada/main.php?f=store/display ==================================== American Decency Association Bill Johnson, President P.O. Box 202 Fremont, MI 49412 ph: 231-924-4050 www.americandecency.org http://www.twitter.com/billwjohnson

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